Frequency of pornography use is predictive of relationship instability through lower levels of commitment, increased positive attitudes toward extramarital sex, and increased infidelity. When there is misalignment between behavior and expectations regarding pornography use, it can lead to stress and conflict in the relationship, with one in five engaged and married partners reporting such conflict.Īmong married couples in particular, relational distress from pornography use is significantly higher, as there is a firmer expectation for commitment and often deeper investment. Though perceptions are subjective, they matter within relationships. As many as one-half of women in romantic relationships disapprove of pornography to some degree and nearly one-third of engaged and married women consider pornography a form of marital infidelity. It is generally perceived as either harmless, a gateway to sexual compulsivity or more-serious betrayals, or virtual infidelity. The relationship meaning attached to pornography use varies. Still, individuals remain motivated to hide their pornography use, with the consequences often mis-weighed.įrequency of pornography use is predictive of relationship instability through lower levels of commitment, increased positive attitudes toward extramarital sex, and increased infidelity. However, the partner is not the only one affected. Pornography’s scripts of eroticism, objectification, promiscuity, and misogyny combined with secrecy can significantly impair attachment for both partners. Sustaining secure attachment requires openness, honesty, fidelity, and trust. With men three to four times more likely to view pornography alone and leave their partners in the dark about it, pornography use is known to specifically impact the attachment trust of female partners. One of the vital elements of relational well-being is secure attachment, or a partner’s ability to view the relationship as safe and dependable. Besides being a matter of relationship ethics, keeping intimate information and behavior from one’s romantic partner, especially when it touches upon the sexual realm, can erode relationship trust and couple intimacy, jeopardizing secure attachment. However, openness and honesty in a relationship-transparency-is about more than pornography itself. Viewers may reason that their private behavior concerns only themselves or hide their activity to prevent negative reactions from their partner. Pornography use is largely a private behavior, and far from a casual announcement. Partner’s awareness was much more congruent with women’s actual pornography use (69%), stemming from more than 60% accurately reporting that their female partner never uses pornography. In casually dating relationships, 43% of the men reported using pornography daily or every other day, while none of their partners reported awareness of that level of use. In a nationally representative study of couples in committed relationships, 37% of men reported more pornography use than their partner believed was occurring. While research reveals many adverse outcomes of pornography use for couple relationships, one factor is exponentially compounding the harm: secrecy.Īwareness of a partner’s pornography use tends to be largely incongruent with actual use.

1 As pornography floods the globe, couples are confronting new issues and conversations surrounding its use. I can handle a lot of things-but lying isn’t one of them.”ĭiscovering a partner’s pornography use, as this woman did, is not a unique experience. I felt sick and numb, until the pain and the anger finally rolled in. “One day when my husband left the house, I built up the courage to search our Internet history.

Husband lies and hides things